Based on the principle of helping each other to righteousness and piety, and the establishment of a righteous family in the western countries, we are happy to present before every young man and woman who is on their way to marriage, these Islaamic manners (aadaab) related to the wedding day. And we ask Allaah ta’aalaa to bless you in your marriage, and to unite you in goodness.

To proceed:.

All praise is due to Allaah, Who said: “And from His Signs is that He created for you, from your own selves, spouses so that you may find tranquility in them. And He has placed between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are Signs for a people who contemplate.” [Ar-Room: 21]

And may blessings and peace be upon His Messenger, who said: “Whoever marries, then he has completed half of the faith (al-eemaan). So let him fear Allaah in the remaining half.” [Narrated by at-Tabaraani on the authority of Anas, and al-Albaani declared it hasan.]

My brothers: The Prophet T ordered the announcement of the legal marriage, and for it to be made known. For he said: “Announce the marriage.” [Narrated by Ahmad, and Ibn Hibbaan and al-Haakim declared it saheeh, on the authority of az-Zubayr] And that is so the people may know that so-and-so has become married to so-and-so, so that there will be no suspicion or doubt when they are seen together.

And the announcement is with three legislated things:

The first: Lawful singing about happiness and joy.

The second: Beating the hand-drum (daff) by the women on the night of the wedding.
On the authority of Umm al-Mu’mineen ‘Aa’ishah: She gave a woman in marriage to a man from the Ansaar, so the Prophet of Allaah T said: “O ‘Aa’ishah, don’t you have any entertainment? For the Ansaar enjoy entertainment.” Al-Haafidh Ibn Hajar said: “In the narration of Shurayk, he (i.e. the Messenger of Allaah T) said: “Why don’t you send them a girl to beat the hand-drum and sing?” I [‘Aa’ishah] said: “What should she say?” He said: “Let her say:

We have come to you, we have come to you So greet us, we will greet you And without the red gold Your women couldn’t adorn themselves And without the brown wheat Your maidens couldn’t fatten themselves

The third: The wedding-feast (waleemah), which is obligatory, due to the saying of the Prophet T to ‘Abdur-Rahmaan ibn ‘Awf: “Make a waleemah, even if it is with a sheep.” [Agreed upon.] And his saying T to ‘Ali: “For the wedding, it is necessary to have a waleemah.” [Saheeh, narrated by Ahmad.]

And the righteous people should be invited to it, whether they are poor or rich.

With these three things – lawful singing, beating the daff, and the waleemah – is the marriage announced.

And after the conclusion of the wedding, and the couple’s arrival home, they have before them certain legislated manners that need to be observed before they begin their married life, and they are:

[1] They should intend by their marriage to guard themselves from the unlawful, so that Allaah will record for them an act of charity every time they have sexual intercourse, in accordance with the Prophet’s T saying when he mentioned the various kinds of charity: “And in the sexual organ of each of you there is an act of charity.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, does one of us go to fulfill his desire and then get rewarded for it?!” He said: “Don’t you see? If he were to do it in an unlawful way, would he not earn a sin? In the same way, when he does it in a lawful way, he will earn a reward.” [Narrated by Muslim.]

[2] Each one should perform wudhoo’ in the proper manner.

[3] They should then pray two rak’ahs before they come together. On the authority of Shaqeeq, who said: “A man came, who was called Abu Jareer. He said: “I have married a young virgin woman, and I am afraid that she might dislike me.” So ‘Abdullaah ibn Mas’ood said: “Verily, harmony between people is from Allaah, and dislike is from the Shaytaan, who wants to make you dislike what Allaah has made lawful for you. So when she comes to you, then order her to pray two rak’ahs behind you.” [This athar was narrated by Abu Bakr ibn Abee Shaybah in al-Musannaf, and its sanad is saheeh.]

[4] The husband should place his right hand on the forehead of his wife, and supplicate to Allaah ta’aalaa with this du’aa’ according to the Prophet’s T saying: “When one of you marries a woman or buys a slave, let him say: “Allaahumma innee as’aluka khayrahaa, wa-khayra maa jabaltahaa ‘alayhi, wa-a’oodhu bika min sharrihaa, wa-min sharri maa jabaltahaa ‘alayhi.” (“O Allaah, I ask You for her good, and the good that You have created her upon, and I seek Your protection from her evil, and the evil that You have created her upon.”)” [Narrated by Abu Daawood, and al-Albaani declared it hasan. And Abu Daawood said: “Abu Sa’eed (one of the shaykhs of Abu Daawood) added: “Then let him take hold of her forelock and make du’aa’ for blessings.”]

[5] To supplicate with the following du’aa’ every time he goes to his wife (i.e. for sexual intercourse) according to the Prophet’s T saying: “If one of you says when he goes to his wife: “Bismillaah, Allaahumma jannibni ash-shaytaana wa-jannib ash-shaytaana maa razaqtanaa” (“In the Name of Allaah, O Allaah, keep the Shaytaan away from me, and keep the Shaytaan away from whatever child You provide us with”), then if Allaah decrees for them a child, the Shaytaan will never harm him.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari.]

[6] After sexual intercourse, they can either make wudhoo’ and then sleep, or make ghusl and then sleep, and that is better. On the authority of ‘Abdullaah ibn Qays, who said: “I asked ‘Aa’ishah about it, saying: “What did he (i.e. the Prophet T) do after janaabah (sexual impurity)? Did he make ghusl before he slept, or did he sleep before he made ghusl?” She said: “All of that he did. Sometimes he would make ghusl and then sleep, other times he would make wudhoo’ and then sleep.” I said: “Praise be to Allaah, Who has made the matter easy!”” [Narrated by Muslim.]

Now we will draw attention to a number of wrong practices. They include:

[1] It is unlawful (haraam) to have sexual intercourse with a woman in her back passage, or in her menstrual period, in accordance with the Saying of Allaah ta’aalaa: “So keep away from [sexual intercourse with] the women during menstruation. And do not approach them until they have purified themselves [i.e. made ghusl].” [Al-Baqarah: 222.]
And in accordance with the Prophet’s T saying: “Whoever has sexual intercourse with a menstruating woman, or with a woman in her back passage, or goes to a fortune-teller and believes what he says, then he has disbelieved in what was sent down to Muhammad.” [Narrated by the four Ashaab as-Sunan, and al-Albaani declared it saheeh.] However it is allowed to enjoy her (i.e. the menstruating woman) in any part of her body other than her sexual organ. The Prophet T was asked about what is allowed of the menstruating woman, and he said: “Do everything except actual sexual intercourse.” [Narrated by Muslim.]

[2] Whoever has sexual intercourse and then sleeps without performing wudhoo’ or ghusl, the angels do not come near him that night, in accordance with the Prophet’s T saying: “There are three whom the angels do not come near: The dead body of an infidel, one who dyes himself with al-khalooq (a yellow dye containing saffron), and the one in a state of sexual impurity (junub) unless he makes wudhoo’.” [Narrated by Abu Daawood, and al-Albaani declared it hasan.]

[3] Presenting the blood of the virgin to the people on the morning after the marriage is one of the customs of Jaahiliyyah (ignorance or barbarism) that must be abolished. Because that blood is one of the secrets between the married couple that it is not allowed for anyone else to see.

[4] It is haraam to spread the secrets of the married couple’s sexual relations, in accordance with the Prophet’s T saying: “One of the worst people in front of Allaah on the Day of Resurrection is the man who goes to his wife, and she to him, (i.e. they have sexual intercourse), and then he spreads her secrets to other people.” [Narrated by Muslim.]

[5] It is haraam to restrict the waleemah invitation to only the rich and influential people, and not the poor due to what is narrated in the Saheehayn on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, that he used to say: “The worst food is the food of a waleemah to which the rich are invited, and the poor left out.”

[6] And it is not appropriate that the one who is invited to it does not attend, in accordance with the Prophet’s T saying : “If one of you invites his brother, then let him respond, whether it is a wedding or anything like it.” [Narrated by Muslim.] And he T said: “And whoever does not respond to the invitation, then he has disobeyed Allaah and His Messenger.” [Narrated by al-Bukhaari.] Al-Qaadhi related that the ‘ulamaa’ unanimously agreed on the obligation of responding to the wedding invitation.

Lastly:

It is recommended to congratulate the couple, and to supplicate for them with blessings, as well as giving them gifts. Whenever the Prophet T would get anyone married, he would say: “Baarakallaahu laka, wa-baaraka ‘alayka, wa-jama’a baynakumaa ‘alaa khayr.” (“May Allaah grant you blessings, and shower blessings over you, and unite you both in goodness.”) [Narrated by al-Haakim, and it is saheeh according to the conditions of Muslim.]
And it is not allowed to congratulate with the people’s saying: “Bir-rafaa’ wal-baneen” (“May you have harmony and a lot of sons”) because it is from the congratulations of the Jaahiliyyah that the Prophet T forbade.

My brothers: This is the Sunnah regarding weddings, according to the Islaamic Sharee’ah. Lawful singing, beating the daff only, and the waleemah. And the others are noble Islaamic manners that the married couple observes with regard to each other, or things that they should stay far away from, in order that Allaah might bless their marriage.

And to conclude:

We remind that whoever begins by following the Sunnah and keeping away from evil practices during his life, then it is hoped that he will have a good ending to his life, and be among the slaves of Allaah, about whom Allaah ta’aalaa described their saying: “Our Lord! Make our wives and our children a comfort for our eyes, and make us leaders of the pious.” [Al-Furqaan: 74.]

And our last prayer is that may praise be to Allaah, the Lord of all that exists.

Until our next meeting…