Let us be realistic, everyone has gossiped to some extent. Not many can claim perfection in this department. But some of us, more than others-and you know who you are-make it a career to smear smut about everyone and to everyone.

There is a difference between idle talk and gossiping; and a big difference between gossiping and spreading smut. So first, let us sort out the who’s who in the group of gab.

Different people, of course, fall into different categories. There are The Babblers: who like only to hear themselves talk, and never let you get a word in edgewise. I tend to be one of these types, Allah help me! Then, there are The What-ifs: people who like to contemplate what could have been. Next, there are The Reminiscers: people who like to talk about stuff that already happened over and over. You also have The Optimists and The Pessimists: their names are pretty self-explanatory. Finally, you have the last two categories, namely and by far the worst of the bunch: The Gossipmongers and The Smutsmearers.

In order to understand where people are coming from, even when looking to our own actions, we have to begin by asking the question of: why?

Why do people, or do I, hurt others by spreading gossip and slander?

To answer that question, we need to bring about some understanding. It is important to understand that The Gossipmongers gossip to fulfill a need.

Their need covers two reasons:

a) Their need for attention, or,
b) Their need for interest in their lives

That is it, these are the main reasons why people gossip, just something to talk about. Most of all, it makes someone feel important to spread gossip and stories because they are the newsmakers. This all seems harmless enough, that is, if it does not hurt others right? Well, not always and not exactly. Because, by passing on tales of others, you slowly lose your standards and sometimes just slip. Have you ever left a conversation in regret, wishing you had not told some confidential information confided to you?

Many of us have, regrettably so because it is too easy to get wrapped up in the moment. So, if you ever find yourself with The Gossipmongers-whether you are being one or listening to one-what should you do?

We know that the Prophet, [Sallallahu Alayhi Wa Sallam (SAWS) / peace be upon him] taught us that, “Whosoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart; and that is the weakest of faith.” (Muslim). Say something, change the subject, and alter the focus-put the art of interruption into practice. If, for any reason, you can not say something then get up and walk away. You will feel better for it.

Now, let us move on to the last category, The Smutsmearers, These are the worst of the worst. The Smutsmearers make up stories, spread nasty rumors and do not care if they hurt anyone in the process-their ultimate goal is to hurt someone’s feelings.

The Smutsmearers do what they do for one reason only: they hate themselves and lash out at others to make up for their own shortcomings. There is no other reason; it comes from hurt they want to share with others. This way, in their pain, they will not be alone; and they will do anything to take the attention away from themselves so no one will notice their flaws. Take a close look at a certified Smutsmearer and you will not find a happy person, I guarantee it.

If you ever find yourself in this category, you need to take a cold hard look in the mirror and ask yourself why you would want to hurt others and spread lies, and also asks why you do not like yourself. Then you need to find a way to make some changes for the better, or it will get worse. So, how do you deal with a Smutsmearer? The answer is simple: you do not.

You do not deal with them at all. You make certain that they are not a part of your circle of friends. Why? Because, if your circle of friends contains one Smutsmearer, you too will one day enter the realm of telling fiendish fables that will inevitably do someone great emotional damage. So, which category of conversation will it be? It all starts and ends with you.