Islamic Network sits down with the United States of America and discusses the business of government and the secrets of success.

IN: So how did all this happen?  Tell me the story of the US’s rise to being top dog in the world today.

USA: Well, basically, in this game you have to be ruthless.  You can’t have any mercy.  We just invaded, killed, whatever was necessary.  We pushed people out and claimed it as our own, you know- a monumental takeover bid.  We did try to offer the old workers some deals where they could squat in certain areas, but a lot of them are still dissatisfied with their packages.  It happens, what can you do? 

After that we decided to break with our backers, our parent companies.  I have to say, the best way to get on top is to use people and when you’re strong enough, just get rid of them.  So if you think they’re screwing you, oust them.  But, we also know since that’s the way things are, we need to come down hard on anyone who tries it here.  We are always on the lookout for takeover bids from other companies, or even one of our own employees. 

IN: OK, let’s talk about the Katrina Crisis.  A lot of people are dying, stranded, in desperate shape.  It’s gotten you some bad publicity.  How do you deal with that?

USA: That’s a given.  In this business you have to not care if people talk bad about you.  You have to look out for #1.  I mean we’re not a charity.  We can’t let people sidetrack us from our goals and objectives.  So it’s simple- costs versus benefits.  We have to analyze if something is worth our while.  So getting people out- yeah, we do have to do it, but it’s not worth our while to do it fast.  We can take our time, work slowly, at our leisure because really, what can people do about it?  They have to accept it.  But when you’re in the government business you need to know how to keep the consumer’s loyalty.  So even if your actions are incompetent or disastrous, you have to promote it as a success. 

IN: So you’re really not concerned?  I mean the governor of New Orleans was pretty caustic with you guys (listen) and I think it resonates with a lot of people.

USA: Well, that’s what I mean about costs versus benefits.  We basically wait until we know we are going to see serious losses before we make a move.  It’s not worth our efforts to do things on time or early.  In the aftermath when the heat really comes on, we can get to it and just sort of gloss things over.  You can also try counterblame, diversion, evasaion, all the usual business tools.  People are used to that and people forget.  Almost anything is forgivable with mass consumerism.  They’ll be back for our services the same day because there’s really no alternative.

IN: Let’s end with this final thought: where is the US headed in the future? 

USA: You know, it takes money to make money- success breeds success, we already have all that.  The thing now is just to monopolize our services so they can only be available through us and to make sure we’re the default.  We are pumping a lot of money into advertising.  McDonald’s still advertises.  We want to make sure our name sticks in the consumer’s mind and that anyone not with the program is marginalized- you know, you’re not cool if you don’t wear our shoes type of mentality.  I see a great future.