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Establishing an Islamic Home (Women in Education)

MRG060001 @ Www.Salafipublications.Com
The Manhaj Of Women In Education And Dawah
Shaikh Muhammed Musa Nasr and Shaikh Saleem al Hilalee
Transcribed for www.salafipublications.com by Bint Ahmed ibn Sulaiman Dhu al Hijjah 1421 (June 2000)
Important Note: The Shaikh's gave all references and quotes in Arabic but for the purpose of this
transcript only the meanings have been given in English for the Arabic you are advised to listen to
the tape.
The Talk
The Shaikh began with Khutbat ul-Haajah.
All praise is for Allah, we praise Him and seek His help and ask for His forgiveness, and we
seek refuge with Allah from the evils of ourselves and our evil actions.Whomever Allah
guides there is none who can misguide him, and whomever Allah misguides there is none
who can guide him.I bear witness that none has the right to be worshipped except Allah
Alone, having no partner, and I bear witness that Muhammed (sallalahualaihi wasalam) is
His Slave and Messenger.
This is general advise to the sisters and will be a panel talk between Shaikh Muhammed
Musa Nasr and Shaikh Saleem al Hilalee.
Shaikh Saleem al Hilalee
Shaikh started of by saying verily the Muslim women is similar to the man , she is like the
other half of the man or men as the Prophet(sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said, "That the
women are the twins of the men" meaning in their responsibilities the sharia has
placed upon them are the same. Just as the sharia has put responsibilities and burdens
upon the men these are the same responsibilities and burdens upon the women, except
where there is some specific text to proof otherwise.
So the responsibility that the women has with regards to her children is the same
responsibility the man has with regards to the people in his home, his family. With regards
to this there are a number of Qur'anic ayahs and hadiths and from them is the saying of
Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) where he says: "O people who believe" and this saying,
"O people who believe" it incorporates both the men and the women. So this ayah
refers to men and women and the ayah says, "O people who believe save yourselves
and your families from a Fire whose fuel is men and stones , over which are
appointed angels stern and severe, who disobey not, the Commands of Allah,
but do that which they are commanded." (At-Tahrim 66 :6)
So first and foremost the believing men are ordered or admonished to save their families
from the Hellfire. But also the women are ordered to save their families from the Hellfire.
So this is the responsibility of the women also. That is of training and cultivating,
educating her children. As Allah (Subhannahu wa ta ala) made clear in His Book in Surah
Israa.
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And you be
dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them reach old age in your
life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them , but address
them in terms of honour And lower unto them the wing of submission and
humility through mercy, and Say My Lord (Allah)! Bestow on them your
Mercy as they did bring me up (cultivated me) when I was small". (Surah Isra:
17:23-24)
So here this dua that a person makes for his parents, that Allah (subhaanahu wa ta'aala)
has mercy upon them is for both the mother and the father because they both were
responsible for their upbringing and education and training. So this is the responsibility of
both the parents and for the women of course, that she being the mother bring them up in
accordance with the sharia taken from the noble example of our pious predecessors.
The shaikh went on to say that this education or cultivation requires careful nurturing and
paying attention to it. As in the hadith as narrated by ` Abdullah bin ` Umar (radiallaahu
anhu) Allah's Messenger (salalahu alahi wasalam) said, "Surely ! Everyone of you is a
guardian and is responsible for his charges : The Imam (ruler) of the people
is responsible for his subjects: a man is guardian of his family (household)
and is responsible for his subjects; a women is guardian of her husbands
home and of his children and is responsible for them; and the slave of a man
is guardian of his masters property and is responsible for them. Surely ,
everyone of you is a guardian and responsible for his charges" Sahih Bukhari,
Hadith No . 730, Vol. / Muslim.
The man is a shepherd and is responsible for his home and the woman is a shepherd and
is responsible for her home and her family and will be asked about her duties and
responsibilities. So this "raaiyyah" the shaikh went to say this word of cultivating,
looking after, paying attention to has a number of connotations.
1. The first thing that we have to know for you to be properly looking after or tending to
your flock, family. You have to know that which is of benefit and that which is of harm. So
that the looking after your family is done in the proper way. This is why a shepherd is a
person when he goes and looks after his flock, he goes to those places that are benefit to
his sheep and also avoids those places and things that will cause harm to his flock or
sheep. The same way a person is responsible for those under his care, whether that person
be a father or mother. They should equip themselves with the correct knowledge to be able
to know those things that are benefit so that they can bring them about in their homes and
lives. Also to be able to know things that of harm so that they can avoid them and stay
away from them.
2. Secondly this word "raaiyyah" which means looking, caring to ones flock also denotes
a sense of accountability that a person should always look at ones actions and follow up
ones actions. It doesn't mean you just do it once or something that is isolated, rather it is
something that is perpetual and carries on at different stages and at different levels so that
you can reach the level you want to reach in the perfect way. So it requires for someone to
be constantly accountable and consistent in ones cultivating, in ones looking after ones
family.
3. Thirdly, this also means being a cultivator or looking after ones flock. It also means
that one has to have the correct responsibility. So a women has to feel herself responsible
with regard to her home, with regard to her children and this is why the Prophet
(sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said in the hadith "a women is guardian of her husbands
home and of his children and is responsible for them" she is responsible for looking after
and cultivating. She is responsible to whom, she is responsible in front of her husband. So
he must also look at her actions and check that she is cultivating the children in the correct
fashion and mode. She is responsible in front of Allah that she is following the correct
course of action. That she is cultivating and bringing her children up according to the
correct Islamic morals according to the way of Allah and according to the correct path of
the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) that he has made clear to them and us.
As a famous poet said, "verily the women is like a school , if you prepare it you
have prepared a whole country or a whole city". So the women is like this teacher,
but she requires to be consistent and equip herself with the correct knowledge to be able to
make this education and learning and cultivation to the maximum benefit. Thereby she is
able to change a whole society, a whole nation because she is the mother of the nation. So
when she brings up her children in this correct fashion then the fruits of this will be a
nation or a people that know their Creator . Know how to worship Allah , and know how to
behave towards others.
Shaikh Muhammed Musa Nasr
Now, Shaikh Muhammed Musa Nasr wants to talk about the position of the women as
regards her husband and her responsibility towards her husband. The Shaikh started of by
Praising Allah, he mentioned the Qur'anic ayah where Allah said the dua of the believers
who say : "O Lord grant us pious wives and children that will the coolness of
our eyes and make us from the Imaams (leaders) of the mutaquoon (God
fearing faithful people) ". (Furqaan 25:74)
So here Allah (subhannahu wa ta'aala) mentions in this dua that of making the wife and
the children to be righteous before mentioning in the person's dua to be an Imaam
(leader) of the believers. This is because a person can never be a true leader of the
community or the Muslims if he himself has problems at home or within his family , and
his family is not righteous. How can he seek to correct other people and other homes if his
own home is in ruin. So verily the correctness or the piety of the spouse is the main reason
for success.
How does this wife become righteous, the pure and the best?
The main reason, the most important way in which the women becomes corrected and
pious is if the husband himself is correct and pious. As Allah (subhannahu wa ta'aala)
says, "Pure men for pure women" and "We made his wife pious, verily he from
those who run towards good deeds, and he use to call upon Allah in hope and
fear."
So here the wife being corrected and being pious, was being condition to this prophet or
person who use to race towards good deeds, and he use to call upon Allah in
hope and fear. This is the main reason how we bring about our families or our wives
being pious.
As one of the Salaf is reported to have said, "Verily I can see the effects of my sins
that I made against Allah from the evil characteristics of my wife or the
behaviour of my animal" Almost like saying because he himself sinned that affected
his family, his wife by her not obeying him, or by his animal not behaving correctly.
So verily the relationship a man has between his wife is very, very, important in producing
a firm and balanced house, which makes this family structure strong and fruitful. So it is of
utmost importance that a husband chooses a correct wife or good woman that will support
him and be a help for him in worshipping Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala).
Narrated Abu Hurairah (radiallahu anhu): the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said,
"A women may be married for four qualities, for her property or wealth, her
rank (status), her beauty, and her religion; so get the religious one and
prosper (get successful)." (Bukhari and Muslim).
And one to marry the one who is irreligious it may result in falling back on our heels and
lead to destruction in the homes. Just as a husband or man is obliged to look for a good
women, again on the other hand a women is always required to seek, look for a husband
who is pious and upright. As the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said, "If someone
comes to you and you are pleased with his deen and character, than marry
him. If you do not do so you shall see great trial (fitna) upon the earth and
corruption" (At­Tirmidhee).
Narrated Abdullah bin Masud (radiallaahu anhu) Allah's Messenger (sallallaahu alaihi
wasallam) said to us "O young men, those of you who can support a wife should
marry, for it (marriage controls the gaze and preserves one from immorality;
but those who cannot should fast, for it is a means of suppressing the sexual
desire (is a protection for him)." (Bukhari and Muslim). The Prophet (sallallaahu
alaihi wasallam) said, "The best of you women, are those when you look at her
she pleases her husband, and if he orders her she obeys him, and if he is
absent she protects herself and his wealth from corruption."
The shaikh said verily it is obligatory that the women looks for a pious husband and also it
is obligatory upon the man to look for a pious wife for himself. For verily a pious women
helps her husband to obedience to Allah (subhannahu wa ta'aala) and vice versa a pious
husband helps his wife to obedience to Allah (subhannahu wa ta'aala). So one of them
would take the other by the hand into the pleasure of Allah (subhannahu wa ta'aala) and
to His Mercy and to Paradise.
So Allah ordered the men to marry the believers and he forbade them from marrying the
disbelievers and the Mushriks (polytheists). As Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) says, "Do not
marry the Mushriks until they believe." The men should not marry Mushriks until they
believe, "Verily a female slave is better then the mushriks , even though the mushriks they
may please you." And also Allah say the same about the women. "That the women should
not marry mushrik men until they believe. Verily a male slave is better then the mushriks,
even though he may please you. Even though they may be attractive and beautiful. All of
those they call towards the Hellfire. whereas Allah calls towards the paradise and His
forgiveness with His permission."
Therefore we find many of the marriages they start off with the disobedience of Allah
against the Sunnah of the Messenger (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) upon the Sunnah of the
People of the Book with regard to the displaying of the womens beauty infront of non-
mehrem men, strange men. With regard to the free- mixing, and all sorts of other
disobedience to Allah like music and singing in unpermissible ways. So this type of
marriage, this type of situation never brings about the blessing of Allah. It is not the
correct foundation that one is suppose to lay in bringing about a healthy and righteous
marriage. Rather Allah (subhanna wa ta ala) ordained that the husband should:
a) take the forelock of his wife before entering into her and make a dua, make the dua of
blessing and then
b) he should pray the two rakahs of prayer with her. This is way of training and by
beginning off in the right way upon the blessing of Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala). After
that it is upon the women to be humble in front of her husband and to be well - mannered,
and it is upon the husband to be righteous towards his wife. On the authority of Abdullah
ibn Amr the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said, "The best of you, are those
who are best to their wives." (Ibn Majaah).
So this relationship should be of mercy and of love, for verily mercy and of love are two
constituencies which causes a family structure to be peaceful and happy and this family
structure to be righteous. And we also add the most important point of following the Book
and the Sunnah of the Messenger (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam). Then it is not possible
that this type of set up can fail because this is like a protected shield, so shaitan can not
break the shield. They are protected with the remembrance of Allah.
As for the women who is not humble infront of her husband, is not respectful in front of
her husband. This women is called a " Naashizah" which means a disrespectful women.
This women is a women which the Shariah, rather Allah (subhannahu wa ta'aala) has
made her one who deserves to be divorced. As the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam)
said in a hadith, three people their dua's (supplications) will not be answered and he
mentioned one of them "as the man who has an evil and bad mannered women
as his wife and he does not divorce her." The Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam).
"The women who performs her five daily prayers, fasts the month of
Ramadhan, guards her chastity and obeys her husband, can enter Jannah
from whichever gate she desires..." (Ahmed).
If the women is bad mannered and is not respectful to her husband then Allah
(subhannahu wa ta'aala) has allowed for the husband to leave her bed to bring about her
correction . However if she is not corrected by this then it is permissible and Allah
(subhannahu wa ta ala) has allowed for him to hit her lightly (this should not leave any
mark or scar [and is more of a psychological form of correction]), again to make her feel
sorry, and bring her back to obedience and to good manners. Otherwise this will lead to
the corruption of the family and the corruption of the children, [if she continues with this
behaviour].
A women who is disrespectful to her husband this only leads to her removing all sense of
manlihood from the husband, makes him feel weak, and disgusted.This also brings about
the corruption of the children if they see her speaking to her husband disrespectfully.
It is also obligatory for a women to show love and compassion to her husband. So when he
comes home she should greet him with love and happiness. Not with disdainfulness,
harshness and hatred. For verily the husband is outside and he meets many trials and
tribulations and he sees things he does not like. So if the women does not give him some
kind of replacement to those evil that he finds outside from those halaal things that Allah
(subhannahu wa ta ala) has made halaal for him this will bring about destruction of the
home.
So the women should try to be kind and loving to her husband as Allah (subhannahu wa ta
ala) described the women as being " ayabun atraabah " they are loving to their husbands
the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said " A women who makes her husband angry
then the women in paradise call upon her and say, "Leave him, do not make him
angry, may Allah kill you, he is only with you for a little while and is about to
leave you and come to us."
The women should also protect the secrets of her husband particularly those pertaining to
their private lives in the bedroom. In both times of happiness and times of anger. Many
times we may see that a women may preserve and protect the secrets of the husband when
they are living happily together,yet when their is some kind of problems or some kind of
difficulties she is quick to divulge these secrets that take place in her home. So it is not
permissible to divulge these secrets that take place between the husband and the wife.
Verily the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) has described these women that divulge
these secrets that take place between the husband and the wife, as being " shaitans" as
being devils .
It is not permissible for the women to allow any one to come into the house, her house or
the house of her husband except upon the permission of her husband.She should not allow
anyone who her husband hates enter into her home even if it is someone from her family
except if he allows that and gives them permission.
She should also be patient if they pass times of poverty of difficulties. Her husband may be
tried by either losing his job, or they may go through hard times where money is scarce.
She should also be patient at these times and she should seek her reward from Allah.
The sheikh gave the beautiful example of Ibrahim (alaihis-salaam) with his son Ismail.
When Ibrahim (alaihis-salaam) he came one time to visit his son Ismail and found him out
and he asked his wife, " where is Ismail " and she said " he has gone out hunting." He
asked how is life with you and she started to complain saying how we are going through a
difficult and there is not much food and she started to complain about her poverty and
started to complain about Ismail. Then Ibrahim (alaihis-salaam) said to her, that when he
comes back give him my salaams and tell him to change the outside screen of his door.
So when Ismail (alaihis-salaam) returned , his wife said to him that an old man came and
she described him to him and told him what he had said. Ismail (alaihis-salaam) said to
her that was my father Ibrahim (alaihis-salaam) and he told me to divorce you, so go to
your family and he divorced her. Then a time passed and Ismail (alaihis-salaam) married
another women. The same thing happened Ibrahim (alaihis-salaam) came and found his
son not at home. He found his wife and started to ask her questions, how she was, and
how the family was, and she started to Praise Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala). She said we
are having good times and Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) has given us everything we own.
Then Ibrahim (alaihis-salaam) said to her, that when he comes back give him my salaams
and tell him to keep firm the outside screen of his door. When Ismail (alaihis-salaam)
returned and his wife told him what had happened. He said this was Ibrahim (alaihis-
salaam), my father and he told me to keep you as my wife.
So this is a beautiful example of how a women should behave in times of difficulty. If you
happen to be going through a time of difficulty, then you should remain patient and seek
reward with Allah (subhannahu wa ta'aala) and not make the situation more difficult than
what it is. Also it is obligatory for a women to respect and honour the family of her
husband. Many times we find family problems due to the in - law problems. So the wife
should not make it a problem or become an obstacle between her husbands family rather
she should treat them with respect and honour, and give them their rights.
The women should not abstain from going to sleep with her husband when he calls her to
do so. For a man living in this type of society where there is fitan and there is so much
trials and corruption in the streets. If he wants to go to his wife in as a halaal alternative
then the women should not be an obstacle for that rather she should allow him to fulfil his
needs in a halaal way. This is what the Prophet (Sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said when
"Any man who tells his wife to come to him and she refuses to do so, then the
angels curse her until (she comes to him) that night". (Saheeh)
Also she should try and avoid differing with her husband frequently, for verily this is what
causes divorce. Also she should avoid asking for divorce except in extreme circumstances
that the sharia has allowed for. If you find him being neglectful in the home or in his
character, to be evil or to be committing some of the major sins, then only in these cases is
it permissible for the women to ask for the (divorce) kulah through a judge, otherwise she
should be patient with him.
As the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said those women who ask for a divorce are
the hypocrites meaning those women who ask for a divorce without sound reasons for
doing so . (Another evidence not part of talk) the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam)
said: "Any women who unjustly asks her husband for a divorce Jannah is
haraam upon this women".
So the Shaikh ended by saying that he hoped that Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) make all
our wives and the sisters that they be pious and give them righteousness and that they be
obedient to Allah (subhanna wa ta ala) and to their husbands.
Shaikh Saleem al Hilalee
Shaikh Saleem al Hilalee went on to talk about the topic he started with, that is the
relationship the mother has with her children. He went on to say, the most important
affair which helps a mother in cultivating her children, educating and training them is:
Firstly, to recognise she is their mother and she is the mother of this family. So she should
feel the importance of this motherhood. The reason she is their mother after giving them
birth is because she was the one whose milk they drank on, and they lived upon, which
gave them this love and compassion with one another.
This milk actually affects the children and develops this strong bond between the mother
and her children . It also creates a strong bond between the brothers and the sisters. This
is why Haroon (alaihis-salaam), when Musa (alaihis-salaam) came to Haroon (alaihis-
salaam) after going and speaking to Allah (subhannahu wa ta'aala). When he came back in
this angry fashion, after seeing Bani Israel worshipping the calf. He took Haroon (alaihis-
salaam) by the beard, and Haroon (alaihis-salaam) said to him almost pleading to him, "O
the son of our mother", he did not say " O the son of our father ", he said "O the son of
our mother", pleading with him with this great relationship that they had with this one
mother. Because it is through he mother that the sons, daughter, children gather together
based upon love, based upon brotherhood and not feeling jealous or envious or angry
between them. This is what the feeding of the milk does, enshrined in the hearts of the
children. because the mother is the one who gives birth, and then feeds them from her
milk.
The shaikh wanted to emphasise the importance of the feeding of this milk, the breast
feeding of the mother. It has a great position in Islaam. First of all from the position of
health wise. It is well known that this milk of the mother is much more beneficial to the
child than other milk because of what it contains of the different composition of the milk,
and how it helps to fight bacteria. and this is something proven by the doctors. This
natural milk is the cause of the body growing, the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam)
said "It is the milk that causes the body to grow, and the flesh and the bones to
grow." It is almost like this individual becomes part of the mother. So if this is the case,
then it is impossible for this person who feels he is part of his mother to displease her or to
even disobey her in the future, Insha Allah .
So this is what brings about this feeling of closeness and love with regards the brothers
and sisters, because they are also part of you, as they are part of the mother.
We also know from the different stories of the Qur'an how this hatred and this jealousy is
developed between the brothers. As in the case of, with regard to the two sons of Adam
(alaihis-salaam) , one killing the other because he was jealous of him. Also the story of
Yusuf (alaihis-salaam) and his brothers and how his brothers were jealous of him.
So the feeding of the milk by this mother is what brings about this love between the
brothers and the sisters and it brings about love between the mother and the children.
Also there are a number of sharia rulings as regards drinking the milk of another women
(who is not the natural mother).The Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) said, "If a
person drinks from the milk of a mother those things apply to that person
just as if it were her own son or daughter" meaning if you drink the milk of a
women that is not you mother then you are not allowed to marry that women's daughters,
you become mehrems for them. So if this is the case for just drinking the milk, then how
about both of them being brothers and sisters and also drinking from the same milk, this
brings about further strengthening of the bond between the brothers and is a barrier by
which the shaitan can not break.
So if a Muslim household is upright upon the guidance of Allah (subhannahu
wa ta ala) upon the deen of Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala), then the society and
the community as a whole becomes upright. Just as it is important for a mother to
feed her children with the milk, it is important for a mother to feed her children with the
Tawheed of Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) and to educate them correctly. Because Allah
(subhannahu wa ta ala) many times when speaking about the obligation of worshipping
Him in His Oneness, He follows that up very quickly by mentioning the obligatory nature
of being good to ones parents as Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) has said, "Worship Him
in His Oneness , and you should not worship any but Him and you should be
good to your parents". As Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) says in another ayah to "Be
grateful to Me and to your parents".
So here it is very important, the parents being the most important cultivators and
educators of their children that they bring them up upon the tawheed of Allah
(subhannahu wa ta ala) and upon his obedience.
So we find this great difference between people who have become old, the elderly people in
Muslim countries as to other countries. The elderly people because of their strong
relationship with their children, they have a very important position and role in society.
They are like jewels, which are not to be thrown away. Whereas in these societies, they do
not give any respect or love at all (except those in whose hearts Allah has put mercy).
So the shaikh went on to say that it is important that we nurture our children upon the
tawheed of Allah (subhaanahu wa ta`aala) and upon good character and upon protecting
our prayers and being constant upon our prayers.
So the man ordering his family and children to pray. There may be times where he has to
leave the home, he may have to go to work so he may not be able to follow up his children.
So it is the mother who is going to be at home all the time. She is the one to know whether
they have prayed at the correct time and so on and so forth.
Also just as the tawheed and the salah are important, it is also the good character, the
honourable character should be embedded in the hearts and the minds of the children.
The most important being truthfulness. For verily, truthfulness is the king of all character.
As the Prophet (sallallaahu alaihi wasallam) "Truthfulness leads to birr
(righteousnes) and al-birr leads to paradise and lying leads to vice and vice
leads to the fire..." Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) says in the Qur'an,"O people who
believe ! Fear Allah and be amongst those who are truthful". So we should
encourage them to be truthful and to leave off lying and to leave off all things that lead to
lying and hiding the truth. The shaikh gave some practical ways of bringing about these
honourable characteristics in our children:
1. The first thing the women herself must be obedient to her husband, because this is what
Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) has ordered of her. If she shows through her practical
example how she is fulfilling the commands of Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) how she is
being obedient to her husband. Then this is a great source of encouragement, light and
guidance for her own children.
2.Secondly she should not make apparent the differences she may have in the household
with her husband. This brings about incorrect feelings and brings about destruction of the
home. Many times we find that the children in society do not feel this link, and this honour
for their elders or their parents. This is because of their incorrect nurturing and training
that has been taking place in the homes.
Finally the sheikh ended by saying that he prays to Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) that He
helps us to be upright and firm on those things He has ordered us to do, and that He
makes the women ambassadors of Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala) by knowing what He has
made obligatory upon them , with regard to worshipping Allah (subhannahu wa ta ala)
correctly and bringing up their children correctly. He made the dua at the end, " O Allah
show us the Truth as being the Truth and grant us its following and show us
the misguidance and the falsehood as being falsehood and grant us the ability
to abstain from it."
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