Back to Marriage

All perfect praise is due to Allaah; I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allaah and that Muhammad is His Slave and Messenger; may Allaah exalt his mention, as well as that of his family and all his companions.

Imaam Al-Bukhaari, may Allaah have mercy upon him, reported that ‘Ali, May Allaah be pleased with him, said: “Fatima, may Allah be pleased with her, went to complain to her father sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam about the amount of housework she had to do, and about the effect that the grinding (of flour) had on her hands. She therefore wanted to request from him a maid, but he sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam was not home, so she informed ‘Aa’ishah, may Allaah be pleased with her, about her need, who informed the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam upon his return. Later, the Messenger of Allaah sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam came to our house just as we were about to go to sleep. We attempted to sit up but he said: “Stay in your positions” and sat opposite Fatima and I, such that I could feel the coldness of his feet on my chest. Then, he sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: “Should I not tell you what would be better for you both than a maid? When you go to bed, recite: Takbeer (i.e., ‘Allaahu Akbar’: ‘Allaah is the Greatest’ thirty-four times and Tasbeeh (i.e., ‘Subhaanallaah’: ‘Glory be to Allaah’ thirty-three times and Tahmeed (i.e., ‘Al-hamdulillaah’: ‘All praise is due to Allaah) thirty-three times. This will be better for you than what you have requested.” In another narration of this incident, it was stated that Fatima, may Allaah be pleased with her, had heard that he sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam had received some slaves and therefore went to ask him to grant her one, only to find that he sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam was not home.

In the narration of this incident that is found in the book of Imaam Muslim, may Allaah have mercy upon him, ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “I never stopped uttering this ever since I heard it from the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam.” He, may Allaah be pleased with him, was asked: “Not even during the battle of Siffeen (a place between Syria and Iraq)?” He, may Allaah be pleased with him, replied: “Not even during the battle of Siffeen.”

In the narration of this incident that is found in the book of Imaam Abu Daawood, may Allaah have mercy upon him, ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “After I married Faatimah the daughter of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, she would mill flour by hand (to make bread dough) until it left marks on her hands, and would get water from the well until its pitcher left marks on her neck, and would sweep the floor until her clothes became (continuously) dusty, and would bake until the colour of her face changed (as a result of the fire)...”

One can derive many rules and lessons from the abovementioned narration, such as:

· The permissibility of a woman complaining to her father after her marriage: In one of the narrations of this story, Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with her, showed the effect that the grinding of flour had on her hands to her father sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, including the cuts that it had left on them. Imaam At-Tabari, may Allaah have mercy upon him, said: “The purpose of mentioning this in the narration was to illustrate just how rough her hands had become as a result of the housework.” [End of quote]

· A caring husband should at least suggest a beneficial opinion to his wife when he sees her suffering and cannot assist her: In some narrations of this incident, ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “I said to Faatimah: `Housework and dough-making have exhausted you greatly; perhaps you should go to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam and request a maid from him.`” In another narration he, may Allaah be pleased with him, said: “Allaah has blessed your father with some slaves from war booties, so go to him and request a maid from it.”

· A gentle father should always give his children the impression that he is available to listen to their grievances: had Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with her, not been certain that her father sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam would listen to her and respond to her complaint, she would not have gone to him.

Some people view their married daughter as a great burden that they have just shed. They therefore wish to have nothing to do with her after her marriage, let alone helping her solve her problems, or reconciling between her and her husband if they have marital problems, or assisting her with her children.

Some people give their daughter away in marriage to the very first person who asks, without bothering to ascertain whether or not he is an Islamically fit person for her. How crude can a person be? Do they not feel that they are giving up a piece of their own flesh by giving their daughters? Diametrically opposite to this are those fathers who honour, value and cherish their daughters and exhaust themselves in search and inquiry to assure that they give them in marriage to upright and trustworthy men. Moreover, such fathers never refrain from helping them whenever they need assistance after marriage. If they were to marry them to men with limited means, they would continuously assist them and send gifts to them and their children, and whenever their daughter is sick, they would take full care of her and her children.

Respected brothers! The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam was not to favour his daughter over the impoverished Muslims and the orphans that resulted from the battle of Badr. He sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam therefore refused, and told her why he did so, as stated in some narrations of this incident where he sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam said: “I swear by Allaah that I will not give you two (what you asked for) and (thereby) abandon the poor people of As-Suffah who cannot find food to satisfy their hunger. Instead, I will sell these slaves and spend the money secured from that on those impoverished Muslims.” However, he sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam was to give his daughter, may Allaah be pleased with her, an alternative that would be far better for her than a maid, which was the supplication he stated that one says prior to sleeping. He sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam did not make her return unsatisfied and taught her an alternative which would strengthen her body and benefit her in both this life and the Hereafter.

‘Ali and Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with them, were living a truly impoverished and harsh life. One of the narrations of the story stated that when the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam went to their house, he found them in bed covered by a piece of cloth that was not enough to cover them; when they pulled it to cover their heads, their feet would become exposed, and when they covered their feet their heads showed.

There are some women who would follow in the footsteps of such great examples and persevere through the difficult times their husbands may undergo. Such women would never ask their husbands to give them what other women have, and act wisely, according to the ability of their husbands. This is because they aim to attain the great reward of obeying their husbands. On the other hand, there are many spoilt women who cannot persevere through hardships, and would even ask for a divorce due to them.

‘Ali and Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with them, were keen to learn what would benefit them, and this is why when the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam offered to teach them something more beneficial to them than a maid, they quickly forgot about the idea of the maid and were eager to know what this beneficial matter was.

Despite the austerity his daughter was in, the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, advised her and reminded her to persevere. Some women forget the great reward that she would get for serving her husband with her own hands. On the other hand, if a husband is financially capable and he does not fear temptation due to hiring a maid, then he should try to comfort his wife and provide her with one.

· Remembering and adhering to the advice of the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, even during difficult times: ‘Ali, may Allaah be pleased with him, did not cease mentioning these words prior to sleeping, even during his most difficult of times, namely the battle of Siffeen.

· Having wisdom in balancing priorities: The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, gave his daughter what was more beneficial to her, and favoured the poor people of As-Suffah, who were people who preferred to listen to the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam and desired knowledge more than sufficing their hunger. The narration also indicates that the Companions lived very ascetic lifestyles, the wisdom behind that being to protect them from overindulging in life.

· A person is allowed to make his family live according to the standard he is accustomed to, as long as they can tolerate it. The Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam himself lived an ascetic lifestyle and thus advised his daughter to do the same.

· It is not to be understood that the Prophet sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam entered into the presence of his son in-law and daughter while they were not decently dressed, because some narrations of this incident indicate that he sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam did not enter into their house until he was granted permission to enter.

· The narration clearly indicates the virtues of both ‘Ali and Faatimah, may Allaah be pleased with them.

· One should express his sympathy towards the suffering of his daughters and son in-laws.

· The one who continuously utters this mention prior to going to bed will be protected from exhaustion and will be given the strength to do more than what a maid could help her accomplish; in fact, it may be that things could be facilitated for her so much that life would actually be easier for her than if she had a maid. Even if we were to agree, for the sake of argument, that the benefit mentioned in the narration for mentioning Allaah is exclusively for the Hereafter, and that a maid is strictly a worldly benefit, we still cannot deny that a benefit regarding the Hereafter is far superior to any regarding this life.

From islamav.com